First off, let me say that if I had to choose this path, there are no better folks to travel on it with than all of you. The love and support you have shown through your emails, comments and letters is astounding. Gratitude and appreciation are small words compared to what you have given us.
Luckily, this includes our medical support as well. One of the first things we noticed when we visited the oncologist was how caring and involved the office staff were. They greeted returning patients by name, showing genuine concern and interest in them beyond their illness. It helped greatly in this difficult situation.
On to the chemotherapy. I'm getting a cocktail of drugs called R-Chop. I won't go into details, they are on the web if you want to know more. The one point about this that affected my session was that the R drug can cause different reactions in different bodies. Some people get cramps, some the shakes, loss of feeling in the extremities and other symptoms. So when they administer it the first time, they start off slowly, gradually upping the dose throughout the day. This meant that it took six hours for just that bag to drip in (all but one of the chemo drugs are given through iv. The last is sent home in pill form). After that bag was done there were two quick "pushes": drugs administered through the iv line by syringe. Then one last drip bag. This led to a long day (7 1/2 hours). In addition to the chemo drugs, there were muscle relaxants, pain pills and an anti-anxiety drug (it worked goood! I got the giggles as it was administered). The good news is that I didn't react to the first bag, so next time the whole session should be under 3 to 4 hours.
The room this all takes place in is very pleasant. You are seated in a comfy recliner, with access to a cable connected tv and wireless internet. There are plenty of windows so there is a lot of natural light. There are snacks, tea, juice, and coffee provided and the nurses are always checking in to see how you are doing or if they could get you something. Except for the iv, it was almost like flying business class. Since I had the longest session, I was pretty much the first one in and the last one out. There was an easy camaraderie among the patients, lots of smiles and good wishes.
Even with all of the electronic toys to distract me, I spent most of my time dozing or thinking. The best part of the day was when I spent some time looking out the window at the street scene below. Ordinary life seemed so... poignant isn't quite the word. It's not so tragic. I was moved to tears watching people enter and leave a McDonald's, cross at a crosswalk, hustle people for spare change, go about their daily routine, etc. It's like in one sense, I've been taken out of all that and put behind a glass wall. My "normal" life now involves drugs that cure me while making me sick, plenty of free time with little energy to do anything with it, more loving support from others than I ever thought was possible. This last year was filled with rushing from one project or event to the next and now I've come to a dead stop. All those weepy-chain-emails-that-I'm-supposed-to-send-to-5-of-my-best-friends-if-I-really-love-them make me sob at times (by the way, I actually enjoy getting those, but hardly ever send them on. I still love all of you). I'm not sad at my situation, it just that all of life seems so sweet looked at from this side, even the simplest of things.
So that's the view after chemo session one. Five more to go, one every three weeks. I'm tracking my energy and reactions, hopefully to get a sense of when I will be up enough to do things. It's not too bad now (three days later), just mild stomach distress, low energy and a slight headache. There are dark periods to my thoughts (When driving to a doctor's appointment today, I contemplated slamming on my brakes, walking back to the car behind me and shouting: "WOULD IT KILL YOU TO USE YOUR TURN SIGNALS SO THAT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING TO DO?!!!"), but they pass. We continue on, taking it as it comes.
Blessings on you all.
Well, you are now possibly at age 86 as far as philosophizing goes. Hold the mustard, you'll cut it.No eggs on the face yet. Remember, this is one of the slow cancers, and also maybe even one that hides in remission for 20 yrs too. By then you'll be weaker I'm sure, but we all will be. Have you checked into what you will have to do to keep your activities vibrant after the next 4 months are up? That's probably a tour of the holistic angle there. Check the internet at your next chemo. New paths are ahead. Accomodate. Get prepared. You are Talib, you have your methods. Don't give it all away for a four month detour with 5 more cross country flights. You knowwwwwwwwewwwwwww.
ReplyDeleteI get bored all the time. I search old rock and roll, and see how all the old timers who partyed way too hard are surviving. Hey they are all putting up a front for all to see. You're shining with truth for the few to see. See there, don't you feel better about yourself already? It's that easy. We are all told not to judge or compare. But the internet is there to perceive in a whole different manner. Mind your manners interiorly and see that you are perfectly ok and in sound mind. You are, aren't you? I've seen you from paddling in a life jacket off the side of a boat to studying a far different means of education when it wasn't explored by many. You haven't done it all but not many do. Your resolve is far reaching even if the time is short. But that you don't know. Go with what you know.
Gee that reaction to the driver behind you only hit you now? Gosh, guess I'm going to have to look into some anger management and patience courses! Good to hear your reactions are mild...that's a good sign. Let's hope that's the way for the future!
ReplyDeleteI gave up a long time asgo Pat. Being a delivery driver at night, you assume the road belongs to you since no one else is around. Ninty percent of daytime drivers get my special cursing. Hey, wait a minute, is there a metaphor in that story? Time and place shuffled, we may have found that Talib was alone in the dark before and is just finding out now that everybody is annoying. No! Just joking. ps. Talib, see my unique head gear in my photo, Ihave many attachements for who knows what.
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