Yesterday I got the news that they were ready to schedule my biopsy. Then, as usual, the questions started.
"Have you been taking any aspirin, Tylenol, etc.?"
" Nothing except what I was prescribed, Endocin."
"Hmm. That's not on my list. Let me get back to you."
Many minutes later the answer comes that I need to be off it for 5 days before the biopsy. Well, as far as we know, the Endocin is all that has been keeping the fevers, sleepless nights, and stabbing pains in my back at bay. But, as it has been going since the beginning of this journey, I take a breath, try my best to surrender to what is instead of longing for what isn't, and go on. So far, after one day, all is well.
So, on Thursday next, I go in for another session of drugs, needles, and high-tech scanning. There has been no word on the Lupus panel or Q Fever. Recently I just feel like I'm at the tail end of a cold (slightly achy, hard to think straight, low energy) plus some discomfort from groin to right side of my abdomen. Is this what cancer feels like? Or is this still FUO (Fever, Unknown Origin, which, according to Wikipedia, if there is no diagnosis after 6 months to a year[!!] looks to a good prognosis). I realized yesterday that I lost the month of June. Will July slip away as well? I often start trying to work on school stuff or things around the house, but if they project goes beyond 15 minutes or so I poop out. I've spent some time on the phone with tech support, trying to resolve some computer issues, and I get to the point where I tell them to call me back, I can't focus anymore. Am I just being lazy? Is it fair for me to lie around when so much needs to get done? (Rhetorical questions).
Well, that's where I am today. I've been considering if all this might indicate a need to shift the way I get things done, from a "Give me a couple of cups of coffee and stand back," to a "Let me plan everything out in small chunks and take it slowly," way of going forward. Planning and step by step has never been my long suit. Spontaneity has always served me well.
Again, I want to thank you all for your kind words, prayer, thoughts, and offers. May peace be with you all.
