Close to the Edge

No, that's not a comment on my state of mind. It's the name of the title song from an album I was enamored with in high school. The refrain goes "I get up, I get down..." over and over again, which aptly describes my physical condition of late.


The reason I haven't posted anything lately is because, well, it's been fairly boring. I mean, once I got over the stomach distress in the week right after the chemo session and wrapped my head around the the idea that this cup will not pass me by and that, although just a couple of generations ago this might have been a death sentence, it's fairly curable nowadays, it's really just been, "I get up, I get down..."


My day goes about like this: up around 5:00 am, shower, eat breakfast, read email, poop out and rest/sleep till noon, get up, eat lunch, work a little on school paper work/organize bills/read, poop out, rest/sleep until dinner, watch tv/maybe do an errand, poop out... 


Earlier this week my friend, K., who went through her own bout with cancer 4 years ago, drove me down to school to help clear my personal stuff out the classroom. This took about two hours, including 40 minutes in the car. All I did was look around the room for books and small items and hand them to her. But afterwards at lunch it felt as if it was 10:00 at night and I had been hard at work with physical labor all day. I find I can't trust my inner clock any more because once the sun goes down I would swear it's 1:00 am when it is only 9:30.


But, don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining. So far, this has been a small price to pay for a return to health. It has meant a drastic change in how I schedule my days and how I define myself, but I have always tried to be flexible in my life. It always seems to come back to this: I am led down (or offered, I'm not sure just which) various paths in my life. The more I pray and accept grace and guidance from the Lord the more these are like learning steps and less like beatings. It's kind of like the t-shirts you see around renaissance faires that read, "The beatings will continue until morale improves!" and I'm the morale officer. 


So I leave you with a note I've had hanging on my wall for years titled "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Lake Woebegone:"

• Be cheerful
• Be useful
• Mind your manners
• Don't feel sorry for your self
• Life is good
• God loves you

Blessings on you all